Christmas: Honduran Style

The week leading up to Christmas was filled with the question "will this be your first Christmas in Honduras?" which was then followed by "are you ready for it?"

I wasn't quite sure what exactly I was supposed to be ready for, but my first Honduran Christmas was a success.

All of us from the Villa came into town for Christmas week and we divided the kids up between Betsy's house and Elvia's house. I was fortunate enough to have Jaime and Edgardo open up their house to me. They also invited 3 of the kids from the Villa to spend Christmas Eve with us. We had a full house: 2 teenage girls, 4 boys, and 3 adults but it was a blast!!

(picture: Edgardo, Jaime and the crew...Noe, Angie, Dani, Jonah, Daniel, and Carmen)

We started out the night with a church service 7:30-9:30 complete with songs, dramas, etc.

Then the 9 of us went back to Edgardo and Jaime's house for Christmas dinner. By the time we had everything ready to eat, it was nearly 11 pm (which I'm told is early). When midnight rolled around, Christmas day was ushered in with fireworks shows from all directions. We took all the kids outside to see the show and enjoy the bangs.

(picture: freshly arrived from church and cooking the turkey!)

Once Christmas Day was fully upon us, we settled down with cups of hot coco to open our presents. Then it was time for a Christmas movie and finally off to bed at 3 am.

From what I've gathered, Christmas Day is more of a day of recovery since most of the celebrations take place on Christmas Eve. But we enjoyed a relaxing day at home: watching movies, going for a walk, playing with the new presents and celebrating Jesus' birthday with birthday cake and singing!

Honduran Christmas wasn't exacty what I was expecting, but what a wonderful way to celebrate the birth of our Savior.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. ~Isaiah 9:6

Ten Monkeys In A Tree

Wow! It has been almost a month since my last blog, I can't believe the month got away from me, but here are some of the highlights.



- Hae Young (my boss at the Villa) and Betsy (the director of the ministry) came home from Korea which means that everyone is back. After 2.5 months of various people traveling, it's nice to have the Jericho family all back at home.



- Thanksgiving! Although Betsy has been an ex-patriot for 30 years (more than half her life), she still makes it a yearly tradition to celebrate Thanksgiving. This year we celebrated at Jericho School in Tegucigalpa and over 60 people came! It was a beautiful time to be together and the girls and I were in charge of the pies (pumpkin and pecan) which turned out great!



- My dad came to visit! It was a huge blessing to have my dad visit for 10 days. I was a little nervous about how he would react to 10 rowdy kids but he held his own and the kids loved him! Dad was here for Jericho graduation and Thanksgiving day so he pretty much got to meet everyone in the ministry. I loved having my dad here and being spoiled for a little bit.



One day while my dad was here, we took all the kids out hiking to show my dad the land. We came across an avacado tree that the kids have always begged me to let them climb. Of course I couldn't say no this time, so we hoisted the kids (two-at-a-time) into the tree. It was so fun watching them get to the top and pose to have their pictures taken. Dad became the hoister which all the kids enjoyed...they loved climbing up on his back to reach the lowest branch.



I've been trying to load pictures for the past two days and the site is not being cooperative. So as soon as it's working again, I will have pictures up and posted.

Last Day Part 2

I wasn't the only one who celebrated a "last day" yesterday.

The kids also celebrated their last day of school for the year! The school year runs February thru November for many of the schools here and Jericho has adopted that schedule.

While Miriam, Eduardo, and I are tried to decide how we're going to keep the kids busy for the next 2.5 months, the kids celebrated that they could now sleep in (usually we're up by 5 am), and not have to do homework in the afternoon.

Yesterday was spent cleaning the school, and celebrating with a great lunch and a big cake. Here are some of my favorite pictures of the day.

Here are all the desks and tables outside to be washed. I was very amused when I cam downstairs to find everything laid out so neatly as if they were going to have class outside!

The kids with their teacher Miss Lorena. She comes every day from a nearby city (about 20 minutes). She is absolutely incredible! 10 very rowdy kids with 7 different grade levels, all in one classroom for 6 hours. I don't know how she does it, but she is incredibly patient and loving with them. Everything you would look for in a teacher!

Last Day

Hae Young comes home tomorrow!

Well, technically she comes home today, but tomorrow she will be at the Villa.

I have a lot of thoughts and emotions going through my head and have put off processing them until right now.

Thoughts like:

THANK GOD!

Honestly, life hasn't been too crazy. The kids for the most part behaved themselves and were respectful to my authority. I've honed my stick-driving skills, and we didn't lose any kids or staff or anything while I was "in charge".

But being in charge is a lot of responsibility and there were a lot of situations where I felt inadequate making the decision.

That being said, I am perfectly content handing responsiblity back to Hae Young. Of course, I will still have a large role in taking care of the kids, but she can have the finances, being in charge of staff, and cordinating with Tegucigalpa.

AM I READY?

That's a funny question to ask after I just wrote a nice paragraph about how excited I am for her to come back. But it will be a transition and I don't quite know what my new role will be. Hae Young's authority will now be first which means that instead of me making decisions and answering questions, I will have to go to her first.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with her authority what-so-ever; but it will be a time of change for me as my authority role changes in the house.

WHAT'S NEXT?

Basically we have been talking/preparing for Hae Young to leave since March. She taught me how to drive stick so I could take the kids in and out of town, she spent countless hours telling me about the kids - signs to look for, personality traits, how to address each one, etc - she taught me how to pay the staff, and basically how to run a household.

So Hae's visit has been in the back of my mind pretty much since I arrived at Jericho. Now it's over, now she's back. I don't have to prepare for anything right now. What will I do with the extra time? Will we get more kids? Will the women come back? Will some of the staff leave? What is my new role?

Lots and lots of questions. Of course, I don't have to answer them because I know that God already has a plan formulated, and I will accept that plan once I know what it is!

So for now, we are content at the Villa. Preparing for our "Omma" (mother in Korean) to return. We are all excited to see her, hear her laugh and of course listen to stories from Korea!

October in a Flash

I thought October would be a big month of blogging. But things have been a little crazy.

Here's a quick run-down on life at the Villa in October.

Life is crazy. People come and go and sometimes it feels like a revolving door but God always provides just enough people so I don't feel like I'm going crazy.

Things break. Sometimes they cost a lot of money to fix but then God provides money or other solutions so that when the water pump breaks, we don't get dehydrated.

Kids fight and then they're angels and then they fight again. Sometimes they have to be punished. Sometimes they cry. Miss Katie is not a huge fan of any of these things (except for the being angels part).

To sum it up. God is always in control and I am learning to be content no matter what the circumstances.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
~Philippians 4:11-12

Think, Act, Feel

I am often accused of thinking too much. I mean, it's probably true, but there is a lot to think of in this ministry. Especially right now.

Three of the three directors are currently not in the country. Or to rephrase, our directors who make decisions on day-to-day activities are NOT HERE. Hae Young won't be back until November 10th which means I'm in charge of decisions at the Villa and coordinating life with Saira and Marlyn who are running Jericho in Tegucigalpa.

Being a "boss" is harder than I thought and there are so many little things that I hadn't thought about before. Plus, money isn't exactly flowing in right now so we are making all the decisions on a budget...a very tight budget to be honest.

So I think that you will forgive me for "thinking too much" as I rode the bus back to the Villa. 1 1/2 hours on a bus plus a 15-minute hike up the mountain to think.

TO THINK...
To think about paying the gate keeper and her sons who are working for us. To think about how we are going to buy groceries. To think about how Eduardo is going to drive the van back to Tegus without any gas in it...to wonder if there's enough to get to the nearest gas station 20 minutes away. To think about scheduling staff breaks, and holidays when the teacher won't be coming. To think about the fact that the electricity bill hasn't been paid in a month, maybe two...will they come this week to shut it off? To think, to think, to think.

And then I arrive.

And then I arrive at the Villa. All the thoughts have weighed me down more than my backpack. I don't really want to come home to all this decision making. I don't want to deal with more tears or kids acting out. I want to take a nap.

But alas, it is 1 pm, school has let out and it's time to face the reality that any minute 9 kids are going to come running at me talking at once. One will for sure be crying, one will be tattling, one will be defending himself, one will be defending the one being tattled on, one will be angry, one will be indifferent about the fact that she was kicked out of school yesterday, one will be stressed about about all the homework the teacher left behind...did I forget some? Two will slip through the cracks, avoiding my gaze...are they hiding something or was the day uneventful thus far?

TO ACT...
I have two possible actions. I can choose to be an active participant in the lives of these kids. Or I can choose to be passive and let them talk at me instead of to me. On this day, I choose the second. I don't have the energy...maybe Miriam and Eduardo do.

Avoiding all day. Going through the routines. Still thinking, still thinking, still thinking. Not worrying...just thinking.


And then it's dark. The stars are out and we decide to have some prayer and praise outside. Eduardo with his guitar leading worship. And I feel it. God's presence. The Holy Spirit's presence. The thinking stops and I am free to worship my Creator, thanking Him for the blessings of this day. It is freeing!

And we start to pray. First Hermana Rosa reminding us of God's wonderful provisions and beseeching God to continue to provide. To pour out His blessings on us. Thanking Him in advance for what He is going to do.

Next come the kids...praying for their families. Normally the kids prayers are short and almost robotic. But not tonight. They too are overcome by the presence of the Spirit. They are on their knees praying to God for their families, for their friends, for God to change their own lives. I have never heard such heart-felt prayers from our kids.

And then one of our girls begins to pray. With each prayer her voice begins to waver until she is outright sobbing. Rosa moves into catch her as she drops to her knees crying out to God to help her forgive the abuses committed against her by her family. And then praying for each family member that they would come to know God's love the way she does. A beautiful and mature prayer from a beautiful young woman.


TO FEEL…
As tears build up in my eyes, I look around the circle at our pieced-together family. I am so proud of these kids. They are changing. They are overcoming horrible experiences and are learning to forgive and to love. And they are looking to their Savior through all of it.

I am not here to think. I am here to feel.
I am here to love these children. I am here to be their mother, their aunt, their sister, their cousin, whomever they need in the moment. I am here to provide them with the love and security and protection that their own families could not.

I can think all day and the problems won't be solved.
Or I can choose to feel. To let God control my emotions. I can choose to give love and joy to the kids. And in His perfect timing, God will do the rest.

A long day filled with thinking and frustration. And completely redeemed by the God who loves us, and cherishes us, and provides for us. What could be better?

This is my Life...

...and I'm ok with that now.
It's been almost eight months and I'm just now getting to the part of "rolling with the punches". This is how life goes at the Villa. It is disorganized. It is chaotic. It is frustrating. And it is beautiful. It is faith-stretching. It is wonderful and crazy and a whole rang of emotions.

Here's a few pictures from our "lazy Saturday".




Josue's futbol (soccer) stadium. Complete with seats, goalposts and players.


The girls and Josue made quite a mess but it was so fun to watch them all play legos together without fighting!


Emanuel reading to Noe. We definitely had a calm morning without too much screaming.


This is a picture from last week. Sara has turned into our resident bat killer. The intention was not to kill the bats, but unfortunely they wouldn't leave the house.

loveloveLOVElovelove

What do I really know about love?

Not so much.

Love is a noun
We see this in verses like 2 Peter 4:8 where "love covers a multitude of sin" and Corinthians 13:13 ("Still these three remain: faith, hope and love; but the greatest of these is love)")

Love is a verb
Love is a VERB. It is something we DO. In Spanish, the verb "to love" has three translations. (Kind of makes you feel like English is missing out, huh?)


Love is a command
Well, when you say it that way, it seems a little more intense. God commands us to love one another and love others as we love ourselves. That's where it gets hard, because if I truly want to be Christ-like, then I have to follow the commands of God.

And following God's commands isn't just a pick-and-choose kind of game.

So where does that leave me?

It's easy to love my parents and my friends, because they are nice to me and they love me back.

It is an entire matter completely to love these kids when I am living with them 24/7.
How do you love a 16-year old girls who hates listening to authority and thinks she's above getting a hug?
How do you love a kid who is always yelling and fighting for your attention?
How do you love a girl who cries because she doesn't want to study, do chores, etc?
How do you love the two brothers who are so lazy that they'd rather wear dirty clothes than do laundry?

I think the answer is: I can't....
I am completely unable to love these kids because I am human. We love conditionally. It is easy to love those who love us and treat us well. But it is so challenging to love those who are "rough around the edges" or who drive us crazy.

...but God can.
Luckily for me (and the kids), God loves us unconditionally. He doesn't care what we've done in the past, He doesn't mind when we're in a crabby mood, all that matters is that we are His children and He loves us.

And so, when I am truly walking with God and communicating with Him and doing His will...well then, things get pretty great. Because God knows that I can't love these kids, and so He sends me a double portion (some days a triple portion) of His love. And the love overflows from me to the kids.

Give me your eyes for just one second
Over the last few weeks, God has been giving me His eyes to see the kids and it has been incredible! Each day I am able to see past the faults and frustrations that the kids give me. I can see insecure teenage girls, homesick little boys, children who really are trying to do well. And most importantly, I can see a bunch of little kids who just want to be loved. All they want is for me to love them.

I can't love them with the unconditional love that they want. Only God can...and we teach them that each day. But I can love them with as much love as I have.

We love because God first loved us. Amen to that.

We're Celebrating WHAT??

I've been in Honduras for about 7 months now and I still don't understand their holidays. Honestly, it seems like there is a holiday for everything (and by holiday I mean full-fledged "don't go to work or school", "throw a party...with a pinata", kind of holiday.

Here are a few:

Lempira - From what I gather, he is an Indian Chief that fought against the Spanish conquesters
Day of the Pine Tree - it's the national tree
Day of the Student
Day of Teacher
Day of the Workers - I'll give them that because we celebrate that in the States too
Day of Soldier - different than Labor or Memorial or Independence Day (they have all those too)

Ok...you get my point. We constantly have days off. Today we celebrated The Day of the Child and next week the kids have the full week off to celebrate.

I don't understand...
I am very confused as to why there are so many holidays here. I think the Hondurans really like their pinatas.

...but I'm not going to complain...
I mean, hey - who doesn't love beating the candy out of paper-mache and wire? And really, who is going to say no to a little party?

...in fact, I'm going to embrace it...
I caved in. I bought the kids pencils that say "My Teacher Loves Me", and I helped load them up on sugar. I may regret it later tonight when they refuse to go to sleep, but right now I'm their Number One English Teacher!!

..but there's still work to be done.
I had no idea that this coming week was a break. So naturally I have English class planned. I think we'll have it anyways. I mean, if I have to be with the kids all day, they might as well learn something!

Eduardo, Miriam and I are putting on our game faces for the week ahead. I think it's going to be a zone-defense kind of week!

Got Milk?

The "old me" totally would have freaked out today.

That's what I told Miriam upon my late arrival to the Villa yesterday. I arrived at 4pm...the orignal plan was for me to arrive before noon.

What's my excuse?...I got stuck in traffic?
To say I got stuck in traffic would be an understatement. But I think we're most upset about the milk.

But let's start at the beginning.

8 pm Monday night: As Elvia drops me off at home after bible study, she mentions that I will have to leave Tegus at 5 am the next morning. "There is going to be a paro" she says. Paro = stop, aka the unions and maybe the transportation is refusing to work until the government changes minimim wage. This may or may not be an empty threat, but if it happens, the police will close off the exits and entrances to the city. Better if I leave early and beat the police to the exits. Normally this wouldn't be a problem since I'm already up at 5 am, but we are out of milk at the Villa. If I leave at 5am, there will be no place to buy milk and I will return empty-handed.

9:30 pm: Betsy calls me. The attendant at the gas-station says there won't be a paro tomorrow. I don't have to leave at 5 am. I am confused as to why we are relying on the information from a stranger at the gas station, but I am thankful that I can go to the grocery store and get milk.

10:30 am Monday morning: After running errands and picking up 4 gallons of milk for the Villa, I head out of town. About 2 songs into my journey, I realize that the police are redirecting traffic. But I don't see anyone on the road protesting. It must be an accident or something. Instead of turning around, I follow the taxi driver in front of me (taxi drivers know EVERYTHING in this city).

10:45 am: After discovering a ton of new little side streets, I pass another taxi driver who tells me to turn around. There's no way out of town. Great. Now I am on some street that doesn't have a name and I don't know where I'm going. I turn around and keep going straight. I know I'm parallel to the highway, so eventually I have to run into something I know...right?

11 am: The next thing I know, I can see the mall again. Praise the Lord! I find my way back to Jerico, we put the four gallons of milk in the fridge and laugh about the ridiculousness of all of this,

2:00 pm:Since most of the kids didn't come to school today (because of the paro), we decide to head home early. Saira (our office administrator) is pretty sure that I'll be able to make it out of town if I get on the highway near her house. I load up the milk, drive her home and recieve directions back to the highway.

2:15 pm:I can see the exit...I just don't know yet if I can get through. Turns out I can, Praise the Lord (again)!! Stop at the gasolinera for a Diet Coke and I'm on my way.

3:45 pm: I arrive at the Villa. It's good to be home and back to the calmness of life. The milk is returned to a cool environment. Refridgerators stocked with food, we have internet, cell phones are recharged, the staff is all together...the paro won't affect us here!

9:30 pm: Miriam and I decide to have a late-night snack of cereal and milk. We both agree that the milk does not taste right...perhaps the side-effect of spending the day in a car without air conditioning?

Back To School

All my UW-Eau Claire friends started class today. Although I do miss the "back-to-school" anticipation, I am so thankful that I didn't go through the normal beginning of the semester freak-out/"how am I ever going to graduate?" session in my advisors office.

However, the back-to-school bug must have hit me because I somehow managed to enroll myself in a Bible Class at our church in Tegucigalpa.

Well, that's not entirely true. Elvia came to the Villa and told me that she "had a plan for my life". That plan involved me driving into Tegucigalpa every Monday night for a bible study that she is facilitating.

Bible Study
I don't know if I can truly call it a Bible study. I mean, we are definitely studying the Bible (a lot) but it feels like a university class. Each year contains 4 parts, and each part is 4 weeks long (two hours each week). We have homework to complete each night and a quiz every Monday. At the end of the 14 weeks there is a final exam and class in mandatory.
yup...sounds like a college class to me

My group is mostly 20-somethings and I love each person! In only two weeks, we have connected on a deep level and I feel so comfortable with everyone. Our second week went nearly 3 hours and we didn't even get through all the content! In addition, I have a prayer partner named Mara. She is 32 and used to work in the Japanese embassy! She great and has been so sweet to me: sending me emails and texts of encouragement and of course praying for me.

The content is fast but not too difficult (considering that it's all in Spanish) and I am learning a lot. But the best thing is that this is a total answer to my prayers from the months of February thru June. So many times I had cried out to God for a friend and community. Now I have it. God provided in His perfect timing and I am so thankful!

Each week, we have to memorize a Bible verse and re-write it for the quiz. The first two weeks were pretty easy once I learned the vocabulary. This week's is a doozy...the Lord's prayer (Matthew 6:9-13). Not so difficult in English but Spanish is a whole 'nother level.

»"Padre nuestro que estás en los cielos,
santificado sea tu nombre.
10 Venga tu reino.
Hágase tu voluntad, como en el cielo, así también en la tierra.
11 El pan nuestro de cada día, dánoslo hoy.
12 Perdónanos nuestras deudas,
como también nosotros perdonamosa nuestros deudores.
13 No nos metas en tentación,
sino líbranos del mal,
porque tuyo es el reino,el poder y la gloria,
por todos los siglos. Amén".

Perfect 10

I count a lot here.
Don't worry, it's nothing too hard, just counting to see if we know where all the kids are. But over these 6 months, I constantly have to ask "how many kids do we have?" It's hard to know when to stop counting if you don't know the number your counting up to.

When I visited the Villa in June of 2009, there were 11 kids and 3 staff. When I returned in February 2010, there were the same 11 kids and the same 3 staff. Nothing had changed for 7 months and then...

...well the Villa became a bit like a revolving door.

Let me give you quick run down, starting with 11:

TEN
Then Betsy decided that Julio (who was 13) would be better off at her house with her teenage sons as role models

EIGHT
We found out in February that the mother of Vanessa and Genesis (ages 10 and 8) had died. Elvia took the girls into her house so that they would have a better time adjusting.

NINE
In March, Paola came to live with us. She is Julio's younger sister (11 years old) and had been living with her parents outside of Tegucigalpa. Although she was attending classes at Jericho school, we all felt that she would do much better at the Villa.

EIGHT
Jasmine (age 13) had been at the Villa for over a year even though she had family that was willing to take her in. But in April her aunt and uncle decided that they wanted Jasmine to live with them and away she went.


NINE
Add Sara into the mix. Sara came to us in May through a teacher at Jericho school. She was 16 and rebellious but has truly blossomed at the Villa.

ELEVEN
Maribel and Fernando came out to the Villa when I was in the States. Maribel (24) entered the program and brought her son (almost 1 year) with her.

TWELVE
With the arrival of Margarita at the beginning of July, we hit our highest number of "kids". Margarita (age 20) also entered into the program.

NINE
At the end of July while I was on a break, Margarita decided to leave Jericho. Maribel and Fernando followed four days later. We were so sad to see them leave, but we decided that it was the will of God and trusted in Him.

TEN
On Wednesday, Angie arrived bringing us up to a perfect 10! Angie is 14 and comes from the same community as Paola. She is beautiful and I think she will be a great addition to the family.

As far as the staff team, we are up to 5 now: Hae Young, Rosa, Eduardo, Miriam, and myself. With 10 kids and 5 staff, we fit just perfectly into our 15-passanger van!

What a wild ride on ins and outs...we know that it's God giving and taking away and we continue to rely on Him and trust in His plan for us!

Day Off

Those words are fantastic to hear. My first four months in Honduras, I averaged 2 days off every five weeks…it made for a couple breakdowns and several days with a less than enthusiastic Miss Katie.

But now we are 5 staff strong at the Villa and since there are no women, we have a 2:1 kid to staff ratio. It’s great and means that each of us has a day off each week!!

My day off begins Monday as soon as I finish my English classes (about 10 am) and I don’t technically have to be back until Tuesday at about 4 pm. We’re only two weeks in, but so far so good.

My last day off was a big adventure all rolled up into less than 24 hours. It included me driving a KIA pickup truck (my little Golf would fit in the back with plenty of room to spare) for the first time. Also, it included me driving in Tegucigalpa, something that I had only done once before…at 8 am on a Sunday morning when there was basically no traffic. Oh, and I was taking home two Americans who had come to visit for the weekend.

Thank God they’re good prayers!
But seriously, we made it into town just fine and we didn’t even get lost. I think the whole Jericho staff was a bit surprised to see us show up on time with smiles on our faces.

I was so blessed to be able to stay with a good friend of mine and her beautiful family. Jaime is a Canadian who moved down to Honduras 10 years ago to teach English at one of the Universities. She got married, had two kids, and then met Betsy and became the teacher of Jericho Christian High School. I was Jaime’s shadow my first summer here and she has been amazing to me ever since. I haven’t been able to see much of her since she lives in Tegus and I live out at the Villa, but now that I have regular breaks, I get to spend them at “Hotel Mendez” with her and the family.

What else did I do?
I ran errands (to pick up groceries and school supplies for the Villa), RELAXED!!, and spent the Tuesday morning with Jaime. Although Jaime was in charge of the high school, she felt a calling to work at the opposite end of the spectrum. She is now in charge of the Jerico Early Learning Center, or as we like to call it…JELC.
So I spent three hours jumping around, singing, playing and having snack with 4 precious 3-year-olds who are learning English and learning about God. It was a fantastic morning to say the least.

Although I don’t know if I’ll go into Tegus every week for my break, I am so thankful for the time off where I can run personal errands and get away from things for a bit. I think it helps the moral of the staff team as well…as much as we love the kids, it’s nice to have a little time away. And the time away definitely helps us re-energize for another week with the kids!



This is Jaime...I love her a lot. She takes good care of me since I'm so far away from my family and friends.


This is Dany...Jaime's baby. He must have gotten into "Canada mode" because it was definitely not cold enough out for that outfit. But he is super precious and I love spending time with him and his brother Jonah.

Life lessons from Job

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised." ~Job 1:21

Job put life into perspective in this verse. Basically he's saying: "Know what? Life is difficult sometimes and yeah I'm bummed that I lost my family and my belongings and my health, but I'm gonna praise God anyway so TAKE THAT SATAN!!"

In my last post I wrote about the women living at the apartments with me. The Lord gave them to us, and unfortunately this week,the Lord took them away.

Last Friday I went into Tegucigalpa for a weekend off. Rosario (a mentor of Betsy and Hae Young who has a ministry in Cortes) came to stay with the women. I came home on Sunday to find out that Margarita had run away on Friday.

Why?
I asked myself that too. Why run away? Why run away from a place that is providing you with 3 meals a day, a warm bed, an education, safety, and a new start at life? Why is the pull of the streets so strong? We don't know exactly why Margarita decided to run, but we think it has to do with fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of hoping for a new life.
The other women chased her down the highway in the rain until a staff member made them stop. Margarita came because of her free will and she was free to leave. Although we are so sad that she has returned to life on the streets, we realize that we cannot make her change her life...she has to want it.

But that's not all...
The story doesn't stop there.
On Tuesday, the call of the streets hit Maribel as well. She had been having a rough week and a couple of events on Sunday night and Tuesday morning set her off. She set her mind on leaving as well and nothing that we said could change her mind. Although Maribel's departure included some not-very-nice comments towards myself (she decided to take her frustration an anger out on me at the last minute), it's still hard to let her go. Maribel took Fernando with her (he'll be one on August 11th) and everyone has felt his loss. He was turning into a beautiful baby boy and now we aren't sure what will happen to the two of them

Now we are just two at the apartments: Sara and me. Betsy, Hae Young and I talked and we will remain at the apartments and wait for the arrival of new women. We are hoping and praying and trusting in God that all of this is in His perfect timing. We know that He has big plans for us and we are eagerly waiting the arrival of new women.

And while we wait, we continue to praise God for His faithfullness to us. He has promised us women here at the Villa and we know that He will follow through.

May the name of the Lord be praised!

We've Moved!

Picture: "cleaning day" in the apartments. They hadn't been lived in or cleaned for 3 months so I took some extra precautions to protect me from the spiders, scorpions and dirt that had moved in!

I need to get better at this blogging thing...or maybe I just need more hours in the day. Regardless, I have to share that I have moved!

It wasn't really a big move. Actually the process was pretty big, but I haven't moved too far. But let me rewind a bit.

The original idea behind the construction of the Villa was a center for women from the streets to come for a year and get away from the temptations and distractions of Tegucigalpa. However, God sent us a batch of kids...

and then BAM!
All of a sudden other missionaries and churches and acquantainces were telling us about women they knew that wanted to change their lives, get off the streets, and come live with us at the Villa!

When God moves, He moves big!

Betsy and Hae Young decided that the best idea would be to move Maribel and Sara (who were already at the Villa) down to the apartments to live with one of the Villa staff. And who is the lucky staff person...ME!

So it's been a whirl-wind of excitement around here.
Friday, July 2nd, Betsy gave us the news.
Saturday the 3rd the girls and I went down to expell spiders, scorpions and a whole lot of dirt from the apartments.
Sunday the 4th we moved beds
And Monday the 5th we moved: Sara, Maribel and Fernando and me.

Tuesday July 6th, Margarita came to join us at the apartments. She is 20 years old and after being involved in drugs and poor relationships, decided that she needed to change her life. She accepted Christ with a good friend of Betsy's who has an orphanage in Tegucigalpa and then decided to come to the Villa to enroll in our program.

How do I feel about all of this?
I am estatic! I feel so at peace and am so hopeful for the lives of these women. It's definitely been hard at times because I am the "authority figure" to women who are my age (24, 20, and 16) but the Lord has given me His authority and the women are respectful of me.

I spend most of my day with the women now which makes me miss the kids a little, but I think it helps me to love them even more!

So that's the big news so far. We've already had lots of excitement in the apartments (like the electric shower-head starting on fire and finding a snake...ew), but so far so good!

Fine, I'll Say It...I'm Sorry

Our first conversation went something like this:

Maribel~ So, you're not really a very strong Christian are you?
Me~ Wait, what? Why do you say that? You don't even know me?
Maribel~ I can just tell. (Long pause) Ok, Matthew 4:16, what does it say?
Me~ Um, I don't know.
Maribel~ You don't know what it is? I can't believe you don't know that verse. What about Psalm 3:11, do you know what that is?
Me~ No, sorry.

FRUSTRATION.

Honestly, one week in with Maribel and I felt like I was losing my mind. She loved to pepper me with bible verses or questions about the Bible to see if I knew the answer and to taunt me if I didn't. She immediately pinpointed my weakness in Spanish and used it to laugh at me. And she refused to let me help her with the baby, even if it meant having to carry him with her everywhere.

REJECTION

My response? Rejection. Fine, if Maribel is going to be mean to me, then I'll just ignore her. Forget that we just heard a sermon about loving our enemy...I mean, Pastor Evert wasn't really talking about situations like this was he? I'm sick of being treated like this, so I'll just ignore her until she starts to be nice to me.

Thank God for Elvia. She of course saw into my heart and suggested that I apologize. Wait, me...I didn't do anything wrong. Why do I have to apologize. Make her apologize first. Nope...I'm not doing it and you can't make me.

CONVICTION

My response to Elvia was a simple: "I don't have time to talk about this, I need to take a shower". Well, the shower is as good a place as any for the Spirit to convict. So here I am washing my hair, I am overcome by sympathy for this woman.

- She is 24-years-old and has 5 children (her first at age 14)
- Her four oldest children has been taken away from her and she lives in fear that someones is going to take away her youngest
- She has be involved in a number of failed relationship with men who told her that they "loved" her, but failed to act in that manner
- She is living in a new place with limited freedom and authorities telling her what to do
- And to top it all off, she has to live with some gringa who doesn't speak Spanish very well!

I don't know all of Maribel's history, but I do know that she is testing us to see if we really love her. To see how far she can push us until we reject her like so many have done before. She's fighting a constant battle with herself...should she leave, or should she stay. She's fighting a battle with us...if she's mean to us, if she hurts us enough, will we kick her out?

(Yes, all of this ran through my mind while I was in the shower...it was a long shower)

So, I decided. I have to apologize to her. And I have to love her. And I have to keep loving her, even if she is mean and nasty to me. Because God has done the same for me.

I went down to apologize to Mari and she beat me to it. She apologized for not trusting me with her son, for treating me badly, etc. And I apologized for rejecting her and for judging her.

And know what? It's better. She's not challenging me as much, she lets me watch Fernando so that she can take a nap or do laundry. We share our lives with each other and our struggles.

God made us to be relational people. It is not His intention for us to reject the love of others or to allow ourselves to feel rejected. And He delights in us, when we freely give our love to others.

I'm not saying things are perfect with Mari, but I do think those two little words "I'm sorry" have made all the difference in our relationship.

So...What'd I Miss?

A lot can happen in two weeks. I didn't really believe that until I came home from my break in the States and was greeted by more changes than I would have thought.

1. My friend Miriam decided to spend a month at the Villa to help us out. She recently graduated and graciously gave up part of her summer vacation to serve. It's great to have Miriam around to talk to and to help out!

2. Maribel and Fernando. Maribel (who is 24) decided to enter our program out here at the Villa. I don't know her whole story yet, but she is the mother of 5, and was involved in some bad relationships and bad decisions. She brought her 10 month-old Fernando with her. The two of them are my new roommates. It's been an adjustment living with a baby, but babies are so precious so I have been enjoying him as well.

3. The road is 1/3 done, but the constructions workers left because our funds ran out. They finished the really bad parts of the road and will return when the money comes in. We are so thankful to be able to drive on a cement road, especially during the rainy season when the mud and rain causes the rocks to become slippery.

4. Construction in the house! Our architect, Chris Miller, came for two weeks to visit the Villa. During his time, he realized that the pipes inside the courtyard were not dug deep enough and therefore excess water was running up into the walls of some of the rooms. We already knew about the water problem, but didn't know the reason. Chris, Tony (the engineer building the road) and Roldolfo (the boss of the workers) figured out how to fix the problem (Praise the Lord)! So the construction guys came back and are currently digging up parts of the courtyard and parts of the house in order to place the pipes correctly.

I feel like we've been in a miny state of chaos since I've been back, but things are starting to quiet down...well as quiet as life can get with 9 kids, a baby, a dog, and 5 construction workers!

Nice Job Mom!

As previously mentioned, I went to the NEW Zoo with my mom on Tuesday. A combination of rain, an early morning, and the fact that all the local kids are still in school meant that we practically had the park to ourselves.







I think the "high" of the day was that I got to feed some crackers to the giraffes! They came right up to me to eat the crackers out of my hand with their super long (and black) tongues.
I love this picture that my mom took...I didn't even realize that I was sticking my tongue out too.

What a fun way to end my time in the States.

Give Me a Break

Today is the last day of my two-week "break". I use quotations because it was jam-packed with doctors appointments, running errands to purchase things that cost an arm and a leg in Honduras, updating supporters, and weddings!

I can't complain, I had an absolute blast seeing friends and family. Here are some highlights in random order.

* Oshkosh Outlet Malls to replace some clothes that are too big/stained/full of holes
* Tucker/Raymond Wedding in Wausau...beautiful weater, beautiful couple, beautiful ceremony
* N.E.W Zoo with my mom. I got to feed the girafes!
* Multiple coffee dates with wonderful friends
* Running errands with dad around De Pere
* Visiting my sister and brother-in-law in Kenosha
* A relaxing boat ride on the Fox River
* Taking the dog for a walk
* Matthews/Mailloux Wedding in Brookfield...a great day filled with love, friends, and an awesome dance party!

I feel so well loved here in De Pere. This love and encouragement will definitely carry me through the next 7 months!

Ode to the Car Horn

A horn is a wonderful thing. Now that I think about it, I didn’t use mine nearly enough when I was driving in the United States. Really only to honk at friends passing by. Oh boy, did I miss out.

After a few months of being here, I think that I’ve finally gotten the hang of the different beeps here in Honduras. So in case you ever come to visit me and have to drive, here is a short lesson.

One short beep = Hey person in front of me. I am now going to pass you even though we are going up hill at 90 kph and there are some sharp curves in the road. I know that I am putting all the passengers in our cars at risk but at least I’m giving you fair warning.

Two short beeps = Hey person stopped in the middle of the road. I don’t know if you realize this, but you are stalled in the middle of the street. So I’m just going to beep and let you know that you’re blocking traffic. Oh, it’s the gringa. Maybe she doesn’t know the rules of the road…maybe we should double beep again.

One medium beep = Hey gringa driving the 15-passenger van full of kids. I know that you’re learning to drive stick and that you’re car says Jericho Ministries so I’m trying to be patient with the fact that you’re stalling every 3 feet. But I’ve got things to do and places to be, so hurry it up a bit or I’m going to have to go around you and make three lanes in this street instead of two and that’s not going to be pretty.

One long beep = This is a good time to close the windows, lock the doors and not look in the rear-view mirror because now all the “semi-patient” drivers are annoyed because you’ve cut them off, or broken a traffic rule that only you have to follow because you’re the newbie. It is also a good time to switch drivers.


Ok, so maybe I have a tendency to exaggerate a little. But sometimes I do honestly believe that these are the thoughts going through the heads of my fellow drivers. One will never know.

Stick to It

I’m learning to drive stick. In a 15 passenger van. In the mountains. In Spanish. In a country where the rules of the road don’t really have to be followed.

Raise your hand if you think I’m crazy. (It’s ok, I’m raising mine too.)

Hae Young thought it would be a good idea for me to learn how to drive stick so that I could help her out with driving, running errands, etc. It does really make sense. Since no one else here at the Villa has a license, I was the first in line to learn…even though I had never driven stick before. My first lesson was on the highway from the Villa to Danli (the closest city)…in Spanish. Just Hae Young, myself and Karl (our loyal dog) on the way to the vet.

It actually went as good as a first lesson can go. Hae Young is a fantastic teacher and so patient and tranquil. We made it to Danli with only some minor stalling and a little shrieking on my part. Since then I have gotten a lot more experience with the kids in the car. The kids are always encouraging me, saying things like “I wasn’t as scared this time when you drove” and “we didn’t pray nearly as much this trip as the last one”. Thanks kids!

But honestly, I don’t know how it is possible to drive in Honduras (on this mountainous terrain where very few follow the driving laws) and not believe that an all-loving God is watching out for us. There were a few incidents where I would see a pick-up truck coming straight at me as it passed another car…and yet they always made it back to their lane right in the nick of time. What’s even more remarkable is the fact that these incidents don’t even seem to bother me at all...thank you Lord for peace!

Learning to drive stick has also been incredibly good for my humility. I can’t think of many other things that are more humbling than stalling a car multiple times in front of a ton of strangers. Or friends for that matter. Often I would get the “I thought you could drive” remark. Yeah I can drive. A little VW Golf that is automatic and half the size of this van. One day I stalled 3 times trying to get to the gas pump. The attendant merely looked at Hae Young and say “keep teaching her”.

On Saturday, I completed my first trip alone to Danli without another driver in the car. When Hae Young asked me to do it I fought the urge to blurt out “what are you crazy? You want me to do WHAT!?” I took the girls with me to be my prayer warriors and we went to the farmer’s market, the supermarket, the agriculture store, back to the farmer’s market, and then to get coffee. What a trip around a city full of cars getting ready for Mother’s Day! But we made it…thank God and I learned that this “jump in with both feet” attitude isn’t so bad.

I always said that a missionary should know how to drive stick…and play the guitar. I think the second one’s going to be a bit easier!

Thanks

Yesterday was a rough day. I was going to blog about it until I realized that venting my emotions via internet was probably not the best way to fix the problem.

So I had a quiet time instead, asking God to open my heart and get me out of the funk....
...I didn't think it had worked and I spent the rest of the day sinking further and further into the pit of despair. Self-pity, bitterness, annoyance, fruatration, etc were clouding my vision.

Then Elvia showed up. Being Elvia, she knew that something was up so we talked, I cried, she prayed for me...then she told me to apologize to God for doubting Him.

That's the very short version, the long version took place over a 7 hour span.

But the point of this all was that Elvia encouraged me to make a list of everything that I am thankful for here at the Villa. I didn't think I was in a good frame-of-mind to be doing that, but the Lord really opened my eyes to His blessings all around me.

So here are a few thanksgivings from my list (in no specific order):

1. I am thankful for fresh air and nature
2. I am thankful for beautiful rainstorms at night and the "after-rain" smell in the morning
3. I am thankful for the beautiful sunsets and sunrises
4. I am thankful that my water is not rationed (like in Tegucigalpa)
5. I am thankful for fresh vegetables from our garden
6. I am thankful that I can walk out my front door and not have to worry about safety
7. I am thankful for the children's capacity to love deeply
8. I am thankful for Karl (our dog) who accompanies me every time I go out exploring


The list keeps going, but I'll cut it short. I am thankful as well for the Lord opening my eyes to all the blessings of this life.

The Week of Numbers

Last week was Holy Week which meant that Hae Young and I were alone with th 8 kids 24/7. I spent a lot of time the week before praying that it would not be the mess that I was imagining in my head. Thankfully we have a loving God that answers prayers. Although there were some tears (on the kids parts) and some discipline, the week went pretty well. Here's a run-down of the week of March 29-April 3.

10 hours of Dutch Blitz (a card game that requires the kids to race each other to get rid of the cards in their hands)

4 loaves of zuchinni bread (I have the recipe memorized)

2 mini movie marathons (The Princess Diaries 1 and 2 and both Narnia movies)

3 trips to the river

2 hikes around the Villa grounds

6 mornings of sleeping in until 8

50,000 numbers (the kids have to write numbers to practice counting...up to 50,000)

10000 weeds pulled (I don't know if it was that much, but it seemed like a lot)

All-in-all, a good week. It ended with Josue (he's 6) kicking in one of the glass window panes in the door (he was mad because he lost his movie priviledges because he didn't finish his chores) which kind of put an end to the fun for the day. But we continue to remind ourselves that they're just kids and we are here to teach them.

We have a new boy coming today. His name is Josue, he's 8 year-old, and he's been living on the streets. This might be a challenge...

La primera vez

La primera vez...the first time.

I find myself saying that a lot here in Honduras, especially when I'm telling stories about my first experiences with the ministry. The first time I heard about Betsy, the first time I came to Honduras, the first time I met kids, etc.

Well this weekend held a lot of firsts for me too...

My first weekend off
After 5 weeks at the Villa, it was my turn for a weekend off. Actually it ended up being 5 days which was fantastic! I returned to Betsy's house in Tegus to live with her family of 10! It's the same number as the Villa, but it was a nice change of pace and it was great to see my friends in the city.

My first time taking it to the streets
Jericho Ministries came to be because of evangelism and Betsy makes it a priority to continue going to the streets. On Saturday night I was able to join her. I was a little nervous because we were going to a part of the city known for prostitution and crime. And because I had no idea what to expect. We ended up talking to two prositutes that Betsy has known for years. They are so close to giving their lives to Christ, but no quite there yet. We talked with them, encouraged them, and prayed with them on the streets. I didn't do much talking, but I'm glad that I went and I am looking forward to going back now that they know me!

My first "drough"
Teguigalpa is currently under a drougt right now (because we're in the dry season) because of the lack of water. This means that water only comes every four days. It was quite an experience to have to ration water. Living with Betsy and her family (we were 11 people), we had to be careful about showers because of how much water was left in the tank. Thank God we made it, but we were limited to half a bucket of water each day for our showers. Let's just say that I was greatful to get back to the Villa where I was greeted by a 2-hour rain storm. Whoo-hoo for the mountains!

My first time teaching math...in Spanish
Although I was on a break, I still went to Jericho school each day to help out. One day I worked with the chikis (the little toddlers) and the other two I helped tutor one of the high school students...in math...in Spanish. It was quite an experience but Yoly (pronounced Jolie) was patient with me and we made it through. Now I know all the Spanish words for "add", "subtract", "fraction", etc.

Those are just some of my firsts. It was quite the break, but I am glad to be back out here at the Villa with the clean air, the kids, and water!

**Pictures to come**

Hurry Up, Let's Go!

"Hurry up, let's go!"
This is how I was woken up on Saturday morning by 8-year-old Noe. These are two phrases that I use quite often with the younger kids who tend to be a little pokey in the morning but I never thought they'd catch on so fast!

The kids here love using English phrases and being able to speak with English-speakers. I try to use English throughout the day, inter-mixed with Spanish so that the kids catch on faster. And of course, we have 40 minutes of day of English where I teach the basics: numbers, colors, greetings, etc.

My Spanish here is improving too. Living with 9 kids, I'm learning the vocabulary for "tattle-tale, whining, fighting, discipline, punishment, etc". I can't believe they didn't teach these words in school! But honestly, there are some days where I think "I cant' believe I'm living my life in Spanish". I go to church in Spanish, talk on the phone in Spanish, communicate with others, discipline, have heart-to-hearts, etc all in Spanish. It's a great feeling!

Staff Retreat

On Saturday morning, the Jericho staff from Tegucigalpa braved a tsunami warning (don't worry, nothing ended up happening) and came out to the Villa for a day long staff retreat. This was my first time being part of a "staff" and the day was a much needed rest from the kids.

There are 13 of us on the staff and we were able to hear about the vision of Jericho, pray for each other, laugh, enjoy each other's company, etc. All-in-all a fantastic day.

One thing we really focused on was the vision of Jericho. Why are we here and what are we doing? One of the central themes of the ministry is "setting the captives free" and the main verse behind this is Isaiah 61:1-3.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our god,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

It's a beautiful passage that really reflects the heart of the ministry.

Parable of the Weeds

At the Villa, we have about 10 different gardens filled with all kids of vegetables and beautiful flowers. We love having them, but they require a lot of dedication on our part, especially when it comes to weeding.

I have somewhat taken it upon myself to weed the gardens each day; a job that I have come to enjoy because it gives me a lot of time to pray and think.

Today I decided to tackle the tomato garden. This was no easy task because the garden was filled with tomato plants and beautiful purple flowers. BUT…these flowers were actually weeds and they were taking over. One hour and four buckets-full of weeds later, I finished the task. This little garden had been overrun with weeds that were sucking the water and nutrients from the plants.

It reminded me a lot of the parable of the sower.

"A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.

~Matthew 13:4-8

Now in this case, “thorns” can be replaced with “weeds”. These weeds were choking the plants and taking over the garden. I feel like this is so true in all of our lives.

As Christians, we plant fruitful seeds in our hearts with the best intentions, but so often we allow weeds to grow in our hearts which inhibit growth. And just as in my tomato garden, these weeds are often beautiful and we mistake them as being an “added bonus”.

In my life, these beautiful weeds are my friends. Now don’t get the wrong idea, I love my friends and they have been such an important part in my walk with Christ. But so often, I have put my friends before God. It’s easy to meet with a friend for coffee and spiritual conversation. It is not as easy to take time in solitude to meet with God and gain spiritual insight. Many times, I was guilty of giving my friends priority and justifying it because I was “talking about God” or “gaining wisdom”.

Now I’m not saying that I need to give up my friends, but I need to make sure that they come after my relationship with God. I need to pull those weeds out of my heart so that it is open first and foremost to hearing what God is teaching me.

Here at the Villa, I don’t have the security of my friends. They are three countries and 5 1/2 hours away, going about their lives. And I have my responsibilities here. Here, at the Villa, it is easier to put God first because I don’t have the temptation to save my quiet time for after I see my friends. God is slowly pulling the weeds from my heart so that the relationship between us can grow bigger and stronger.


So what are the weeds in your life? Maybe it’s TV or movies that really aren’t glorifying to God but you justify it as a pastime. Or maybe it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend that isn’t walking with the Lord but you justify the relationship because “they can change”. Whatever it is, we are all walking around with weeds growing in our hearts. They are disguised as something beautiful and enticing, but really they are restricting our relationship with God.

So, maybe it’s time to start the weeding process.

A Day at the Villa

I'm here!

I probably should have written some great blog about getting here, but a week has passed, so on to new topics!

I am living out in the country at the Villa. It's beautiful, it's tranquil, and it's full of kids with a TON of energy. I've already been learning so much about patience, and unconditional love (but more on that later).

So, here's a normal day in my life out at the Villa.

5 AM: Wake up, brush my teeth, meet in the salon for praise and prayer.

6 AM Oversee as the kids get ready, clean their rooms, make their beds, etc.

6:45 AM Breakfast

7:30 AM The teacher arrives!

7:30 AM-1 PM I do a variety of jobs: mow the grass (with an old-fashioned push mower), weed the gardens, clean various rooms, help with lunch preparations, do laundry (which is mostly done by hand), etc. I also plan and prepare the lessons for English.
At this time I also manage to get in a work-out, shower, and check my email. And if there's time, I take a quick nap to prep for the afternoon with the kids.

1 PM Lunch/dishes

2 PM English class!

3-6:30 PM What do we do here? We play soccer, water all the gardens (it takes us an hour...there are a lot), the kids wash their clothes, etc.

6:30 PM Dinner/dishes

7:30 PM Free time with the kids. We'll play a game or watch a movie or hang out outside.

8:30 PM Devotions/prayer

9 PM BED! By this time of the day, I'm pretty much exhausted. After 4.5 years of going to be at midnight in college, I'm getting used to going to sleep early and I love getting a full 8 hours of sleep!

The Art of Goodbyes

Saying "goodbyes" is a tricky thing. There are a couple ways to do it, all of which I've experienced over the last month.

Option 1: Accepting the Inevitable
Everyone involved knows that it's time for goodbyes so we all accept what is coming, celebrate our accomplishments, wish each other well, and go on our own ways.

Option 2: Multiple Goodbyes
You say good-bye, and then run into this person at Starbucks and say goodbye again. After the 3rd or 4th time, you just stop saying goodbye because you've already done it so many times.

Option 3: Avoidance
This option pretty much means that all parties involved act like we're not really saying goodbye. We leave under the assumption that we'll see each other again (no matter how long it may be).

So I have said goodbye to my students, my classmates, my bible study, my friends, my professors, and the city where I spent the majority of the past 4.5 years. It's taken me about a month to do all the goodybes, but I think I'm done (except for my family). And you know how I feel now....


...NUMB

Honestly I didn't cry at all. I just went from one hug to another, from one goodbye to the next without really letting my emotions get ahold of me. If anyone knows me, this is a big feat because I cry about pretty much everything.

But as I thought about it more, I realized that I haven't really felt any emotions. I'm looking forward to Honduras but I haven't really felt that moment of "yay, I'm so excited or nervous" (or anything for that matter. I have been going through the motions the past couple weeks without really feeling anything.

It makes me think back to a sermon I heard the summer after my freshmen year of college. The pastor was talking about leprosy and how symptom of the disease was the loss of "sensation". This meant that lepers couldn't feel pain. If they fell down or cut themselves, they wouldn't feel the pain of the injury. However, they also could not feel the good touches in life: a hug, warm touch, a kiss on the cheek, etc.

How great it would be to not have to feel pain in life. To be completely safe from feeling abandoned, unloved or any kind of physical or emotional pain. But am I really willing to give up the good with that?

Life is a beautiful gift that requires us to balance the good with the bad. And while I wish I could just bypass all the sadness of saying goodbye, it would also mean giving up the wonderful relationships that I've made with people. My last night in Eau Claire included dinner with several people whom I love very deeply. Roommates, co-leaders, shoulders to cry on, people that prayed for me, celebrated with me, laughed with me.

And so I choose sadness for a moment. I choose to let myself cry about being three countries away from my best friends. I cry about not just a phone-call away from my parents. I cry about the things that I may miss out on when I am in Honduras. But I celebrate as well. I celebrate all the memories and lasting friendships I have made. And I look forward to the (many) experiences that are to come!!


What are you going to choose in life? Are you going to choose to shut-down your emotions or to take the good with the bad? I hope you choose the latter because as this same pastor pointed out:

"It is better to feel pain, than to feel nothing at all."

The Great Provider

So much has happened since I posted last!

1. I now officially have health insurance which was one of the major concerns of my parents when I told them that I was moving down to Honduras.

2. I have a plane ticket to Honduras (February 4th) and back to the US (Ma 24th)

3. I have currently raised 79% of my support (about $15,800).

4. I have 5 days left of student teaching and then I will have completed my degree at UW-Eau Claire.

Things are reall wrapping up in my life here. It's a little sad to think that in six days I will be leaving Eau Claire without knowing when I'll be returning. For 4.5 years, Eau Claire was my home. I guess I truly am closing a chapter in my life.

But I am also so excited for what is to come. I know that the Lord has something great in store for me in Honduras and I am eager to see how He will use me down there.

I am so thankful and blessed to see my "team" of supporters come together. Throughout the course of the last four months, the Lord has truly taught me that He is the Great Provider and that He will meet all of my needs.

It started out in November when my roommate and I couldn't find subleasers. The Lord provided sub-leasers but they wanted to move in on December 1st instead of February 1st (when I finished student teaching). So the Lord provided a wonderful family who took us into their house for two months and has become a second family to the two of us.

And of course there is the monetary aspect. I worried at first that I would never be able to rais $20,000 in four months. But once again, the Lord blew my expectations out of the water! About mid-December I realized that I was only at about 24% for support and I started to wonder if perhaps I needed more time to raise the funds. But through very gracious and generous donors, the Lord has provided $11,000 in the last four weeks! That is an average of almost $3000 a week! It has been incredible and humbling to see the Lord provide when I finally gave total control to Him!

Thank you again for joining on this journey with me. I have been blessed to have many wonderful conversations with friends, family, and even complete strangers about Honduras and Jericho Ministries.