Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Me, Myself, and I
After two weeks of being back in the US, I went to my pastor at church and asked him what I could do. His response: "NOTHING".
I was shocked. I had spent two years as a missionary, surely there could be a place that I could help out: Sunday School, Youth Group, Women's Ministry....
But thank God, I have a very wise pastor who really knew what was going on. I had spent two years serving other people, focusing on other people, meeting the needs of other people. I didn't know how to NOT be doing something for other people.
I needed to be needed. I found my worth in being "there" for people, resolving problems, cooking meals, and answering questions.
My pastor (being the wise man he is) suggested that I take some time off to focus on me, to re-group, to pray about God's plan for my life. I followed his advice but very half-hearted, and within the month I had somehow managed to sneak my way in to leading a bible study at church.
Fast forward to June. My long-term sub job is over and I'm house-sitting through the summer and working on job applications. I have a lot of free time. A LOT.
So I've been praying...praying about God's plan for my life. And God has been showing me how to focus on myself. Not in that selfish "I'm the most important thing" way, but learning how to focus on Him and how to grow deeper in my reliance on Him.
(more of that to come...I'm learning a lot of patience, trusting the Lord and humility through this job application process)
But back to me...
I've been reading my Bible more, communicating with God more, and really processing the last 25 years of life. I've been working on taking care of my body (eating healthy and working out), making new friends, and setting goals for my future.
It's been a beautiful process and I kind of feel like the caterpillar in his cocoon. I've already lived a good chunk of life, but now I'm taking a break. I've learned and I've grown and now I'm in a stage of being "alone" to process what is about to come.
I can't say that I am as patient as a caterpillar but I'm working on it. I'm excited to break out and see the adventures that will come as a butterfly, but I know that I'm not quite there yet. I have to wait patiently and be still before God. And once He thinks I'm ready, I get to break out and fly!
Cannot wait to see what God has in store!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
thirteen.one
I HATE RUNNING
Well, at least I used to. Running used to be a punishment for me - pushing my legs and lungs to the breaking point. Always being the last person to complete the soccer training runs. No thank you. I hated running in groups because I was so slow, but running alone was worse. Being miserable AND alone...definition of a bad day.
Then Honduras happened. For lack of other options, I began running on Central American Highway 5 that runs through Nicaragua, Honduras and into Guatemala. I shared the road with bulls, dogs, farmers, and semi-trucks. Running became my hour "off". I ran up and down mountains in the heat of mid-day. I received marriage proposals from the men working in the fields, I fought off an occasional angry dog, and I connected with God.
God as a Running Partner
God has a lot of names in the Bible, but I don't think "workout buddy" is one of them. Who would have thought I'd find peace and calmness in the middle of doing something that I hated?
I ran without music and allowed my thoughts to wander. They almost always settled into a series of prayers. Prayers for my kiddos, prayers for my family and friends, and lots of questions to God.
And God always showed up for my runs.
No matter the hour (5 am on Saturdays), the length (3-4 mile loop to the local "pueblo") or the weather (down-pours vs. blistering heat). God always showed up. He never made me run alone. Best running partner EVER.
Fast-forward about 6 months.
I arrived back in the US in mid-December. All of a sudden I was thrown into reverse culture shock like nothing I have experienced. It was awful. I cried in my car, I cried watching movies, I cried in coffee shops. I went from sharing a bathroom and bedroom with 7 teenage girls to almost living alone (my parents both worked all day). All of a sudden I had freedom and choice and was responsible for me and ONLY me.
Running was my constant. So I ran.
3 miles, 5 miles, 8 miles. They started creeping up. I registered for my first ever race: a Valentine 15k in the middle of December. Race day saw temperatures of -10 degrees...actually the coldest day of winter this year.
After that race was done I registered for a half-marathon and started training.
One again God was my running partner. He saw me through early morning runs on the track at the local Y. 14 laps to a mile X 10 miles = a lot of quality prayer.
And then race day came. 13.1 miles, 7,000+ people. Unusually hot temperatures.
Ready, set, go!
And then God showed up.
God showed up in the people who lined the streets of Green Bay. They showed up early and stayed late. They sat out in the heat of the day to cheer on complete strangers. Every time I needed that extra energy, I would see the crowd up ahead encouraging me to push harder and dig deeper.
God showed up on the street. At various points, I would look down and see Isaiah 40:31 written in chalk. "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint." I almost cried seeing that verse. God is in EVERYTHING...not just the "churchy" stuff. I can glorify God through running just as much as I can glorify Him when I'm reading the Bible.
Why would I have expected anything less?
God continues to show up in my life, even when I least expect it. He re-directs my thoughts, He gives me the energy to put one foot in front of the other. God doesn't just want my "church" time...He wants all my time. I can glorify Him though ALL my actions...including running.
So the girl who hated running? That's me. Running is no longer my punishment, it's now my therapy time. The hour (or two) each day when I can clear my head of the day and focus on my Creator. A time to think, pray, and just BE with God. Running has become the constant in my life - something I need to do. It goes on my "to-do" list each day, right after my daily devotionals.
So the girl who hated running? Well she's signed up for a full marathon in September. 26.2 miles to connect with God...4+ hours of prayer, meditation, and lots of encouragement.
Ready, set, go!
Well, at least I used to. Running used to be a punishment for me - pushing my legs and lungs to the breaking point. Always being the last person to complete the soccer training runs. No thank you. I hated running in groups because I was so slow, but running alone was worse. Being miserable AND alone...definition of a bad day.
Then Honduras happened. For lack of other options, I began running on Central American Highway 5 that runs through Nicaragua, Honduras and into Guatemala. I shared the road with bulls, dogs, farmers, and semi-trucks. Running became my hour "off". I ran up and down mountains in the heat of mid-day. I received marriage proposals from the men working in the fields, I fought off an occasional angry dog, and I connected with God.
God as a Running Partner
God has a lot of names in the Bible, but I don't think "workout buddy" is one of them. Who would have thought I'd find peace and calmness in the middle of doing something that I hated?
I ran without music and allowed my thoughts to wander. They almost always settled into a series of prayers. Prayers for my kiddos, prayers for my family and friends, and lots of questions to God.
And God always showed up for my runs.
No matter the hour (5 am on Saturdays), the length (3-4 mile loop to the local "pueblo") or the weather (down-pours vs. blistering heat). God always showed up. He never made me run alone. Best running partner EVER.
Fast-forward about 6 months.
I arrived back in the US in mid-December. All of a sudden I was thrown into reverse culture shock like nothing I have experienced. It was awful. I cried in my car, I cried watching movies, I cried in coffee shops. I went from sharing a bathroom and bedroom with 7 teenage girls to almost living alone (my parents both worked all day). All of a sudden I had freedom and choice and was responsible for me and ONLY me.
Running was my constant. So I ran.
3 miles, 5 miles, 8 miles. They started creeping up. I registered for my first ever race: a Valentine 15k in the middle of December. Race day saw temperatures of -10 degrees...actually the coldest day of winter this year.
After that race was done I registered for a half-marathon and started training.
One again God was my running partner. He saw me through early morning runs on the track at the local Y. 14 laps to a mile X 10 miles = a lot of quality prayer.
And then race day came. 13.1 miles, 7,000+ people. Unusually hot temperatures.
Ready, set, go!
And then God showed up.
God showed up in the people who lined the streets of Green Bay. They showed up early and stayed late. They sat out in the heat of the day to cheer on complete strangers. Every time I needed that extra energy, I would see the crowd up ahead encouraging me to push harder and dig deeper.
God showed up on the street. At various points, I would look down and see Isaiah 40:31 written in chalk. "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint." I almost cried seeing that verse. God is in EVERYTHING...not just the "churchy" stuff. I can glorify God through running just as much as I can glorify Him when I'm reading the Bible.
Why would I have expected anything less?
God continues to show up in my life, even when I least expect it. He re-directs my thoughts, He gives me the energy to put one foot in front of the other. God doesn't just want my "church" time...He wants all my time. I can glorify Him though ALL my actions...including running.
So the girl who hated running? That's me. Running is no longer my punishment, it's now my therapy time. The hour (or two) each day when I can clear my head of the day and focus on my Creator. A time to think, pray, and just BE with God. Running has become the constant in my life - something I need to do. It goes on my "to-do" list each day, right after my daily devotionals.
So the girl who hated running? Well she's signed up for a full marathon in September. 26.2 miles to connect with God...4+ hours of prayer, meditation, and lots of encouragement.
Ready, set, go!
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