Me, Myself, and I

After two weeks of being back in the US, I went to my pastor at church and asked him what I could do.  His response: "NOTHING".

I was shocked.  I had spent two years as a missionary, surely there could be a place that I could help out: Sunday School, Youth Group, Women's Ministry....

But thank God, I have a very wise pastor who really knew what was going on.  I had spent two years serving other people, focusing on other people, meeting the needs of other people.  I didn't know how to NOT be doing something for other people. 

I needed to be needed.  I found my worth in being "there" for people, resolving problems, cooking meals, and answering questions. 

My pastor (being the wise man he is) suggested that I take some time off to focus on me, to re-group, to pray about God's plan for my life.  I followed his advice but very half-hearted, and within the month I had somehow managed to sneak my way in to leading a bible study at church. 

Fast forward to June.  My long-term sub job is over and I'm house-sitting through the summer and working on job applications.  I have a lot of free time.  A LOT. 

So I've been praying...praying about God's plan for my life.  And God has been showing me how to focus on myself.  Not in that selfish "I'm the most important thing" way, but learning how to focus on Him and how to grow deeper in my reliance on Him. 

(more of that to come...I'm learning a lot of patience, trusting the Lord and humility through this job application process)

But back to me...
I've been reading my Bible more, communicating with God more, and really processing the last 25 years of life.  I've been working on taking care of my body (eating healthy and working out), making new friends, and setting goals for my future.

It's been a beautiful process and I kind of feel like the caterpillar in his cocoon.  I've already lived a good chunk of life, but now I'm taking a break.  I've learned and I've grown and now I'm in a stage of being "alone" to process what is about to come.

I can't say that I am as patient as a caterpillar but I'm working on it.  I'm excited to break out and see the adventures that will come as a butterfly, but I know that I'm not quite there yet.  I have to wait patiently and be still before God.  And once He thinks I'm ready, I get to break out and fly!

Cannot wait to see what God has in store!