The Art of Goodbyes

Saying "goodbyes" is a tricky thing. There are a couple ways to do it, all of which I've experienced over the last month.

Option 1: Accepting the Inevitable
Everyone involved knows that it's time for goodbyes so we all accept what is coming, celebrate our accomplishments, wish each other well, and go on our own ways.

Option 2: Multiple Goodbyes
You say good-bye, and then run into this person at Starbucks and say goodbye again. After the 3rd or 4th time, you just stop saying goodbye because you've already done it so many times.

Option 3: Avoidance
This option pretty much means that all parties involved act like we're not really saying goodbye. We leave under the assumption that we'll see each other again (no matter how long it may be).

So I have said goodbye to my students, my classmates, my bible study, my friends, my professors, and the city where I spent the majority of the past 4.5 years. It's taken me about a month to do all the goodybes, but I think I'm done (except for my family). And you know how I feel now....


...NUMB

Honestly I didn't cry at all. I just went from one hug to another, from one goodbye to the next without really letting my emotions get ahold of me. If anyone knows me, this is a big feat because I cry about pretty much everything.

But as I thought about it more, I realized that I haven't really felt any emotions. I'm looking forward to Honduras but I haven't really felt that moment of "yay, I'm so excited or nervous" (or anything for that matter. I have been going through the motions the past couple weeks without really feeling anything.

It makes me think back to a sermon I heard the summer after my freshmen year of college. The pastor was talking about leprosy and how symptom of the disease was the loss of "sensation". This meant that lepers couldn't feel pain. If they fell down or cut themselves, they wouldn't feel the pain of the injury. However, they also could not feel the good touches in life: a hug, warm touch, a kiss on the cheek, etc.

How great it would be to not have to feel pain in life. To be completely safe from feeling abandoned, unloved or any kind of physical or emotional pain. But am I really willing to give up the good with that?

Life is a beautiful gift that requires us to balance the good with the bad. And while I wish I could just bypass all the sadness of saying goodbye, it would also mean giving up the wonderful relationships that I've made with people. My last night in Eau Claire included dinner with several people whom I love very deeply. Roommates, co-leaders, shoulders to cry on, people that prayed for me, celebrated with me, laughed with me.

And so I choose sadness for a moment. I choose to let myself cry about being three countries away from my best friends. I cry about not just a phone-call away from my parents. I cry about the things that I may miss out on when I am in Honduras. But I celebrate as well. I celebrate all the memories and lasting friendships I have made. And I look forward to the (many) experiences that are to come!!


What are you going to choose in life? Are you going to choose to shut-down your emotions or to take the good with the bad? I hope you choose the latter because as this same pastor pointed out:

"It is better to feel pain, than to feel nothing at all."